BLOGS

Why do we stare at gore, destruction and death? Millions of people recently experienced death and grand destruction as a result of hurricanes. Why do people find themselves getting lost in the stories, pictures and fear of these disasters and others, e.g., car accidents and horror films?

It is an effort to master an old wound or perception. Let me explain.

A child spends his or her first 2 to 3 years not knowing that anything exists beyond what s/he can see. Therefore, all of the world is like magic! The child’s parent appears and disappears out of a room. If the child awakens in the crib and cries, the parent magically appears to lift the child from the crib. If, however, the parent does not quickly appear, the child feels abandoned and in his or her fear of abandonment, they instinctually know they will die. This fear of dying or not being able to survive I will call fear of destruction.

A child also sees the world from an egocentric perspective, i.e., s/he is the source or cause of all that is happening. So, when parents or providers falter and behave in an angry or frustrated way, a child must perceive his- or herself as the bad to keep the overseer as good. In other words, children see themselves as the sinners among saints. This way they are in a good safe world and as long as they control their behavior they will be ok. If, however, children see themselves as the saint among sinners, they are trapped in a haunted house with no one there to save them. They sense this. So defensively they turn the situation inside out to make themselves the bad so their world remains good. This is why movies of hauntings are so successful!

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I’m proud to announce I was interviewed for an article in the Palm Beach Post, Suicide rates continue to rise, by Steve Dorfman. The article discusses how much attention suicide has received in the media, and why it is on the rise:

“… for the ‘smartphone generation’ of teens — in which online bullying, shaming and sexually exploitative harassing is ubiquitous — it’s more challenging than ever.”

For those vulnerable or genetically predisposed to depression, Bomas noted “the path to suicide is slippery — and social media bullying fuels that pain and isolation.”

To read the full article, CLICK HERE

To read the full article, CLICK HERE

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If you glanced at the eclipse with the naked eye, you saw the sliver of sun amidst the ball of light of the sun. You are light amidst light. On this plane, you experience dark as a way to define the light. We see things as separate: you and me, day and night, fear and love. In truth, there is no fear. Fear is illusion. The darkness always leads to the light. Light will always squelch dark. You learn fear but enter into this life as love.

The moon shines as light because it reflects the light of the sun. Yesterday, the moon blocked the light of the sun. It did not squelch the light, it blocked it. The dark cannot squelch the light. The sun shined bright beyond the illusion of darkness. To the naked eye, the ball of light continued to glow even though the day appeared a bit “darker”. Such an illusion.

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Hate is fear; fear is the absence of love! Within your Self, when you judge and hate you are not able to feel love. You may think that your hate and judgment are about the other person or group of people but it is only happening inside you. You are the one living with the hate, rage, anger, and heavy density. It clutters your mind and shadows your heart. Consequently, you are the only one who ends up suffering until, of course, your anger causes harm to others.

We are given this life and we were given free will. Free will says you have the right to live with your hate, anger, rage, and judgment. Free will also allows people to live in harmony, love, unity and peace. Free will gives each of us the opportunity to live this life as we choose. What it does not do is support the destruction of the free will and the rights of another human being.

You are not born with fear and anger or any of the fear-based emotions. You are not born with judgment since judgment comes from fear. You learned all of that, and the beliefs associated with them, in this lifetime. You thought you had to believe as you were taught to believe. But now you have a choice. Do you want to live with love for you, from you, and for others? Or do you want to live in absence of love? Do you want a life filled with pain, suffering, anger, and heat or a life filled with love and happiness?

Can you be grateful for who you are at the same time you’re hating another? The answer is no. So, yes, it is your right to hate, judge, and be angry. It is your choice to live at that level of suffering. Just remember suffering begets suffering and fear begets fear. It is love that begets gratitude, joy, and love. So, I ask you which do you prefer? And be clear, because even if you were feeling anger and hate at those who are angry and hateful you are feeding the darkness not light.

May each and every one of you be graced with gratitude, forgiveness, and love.

How do you make sense of the loss of your child? How do you find closure? Is it okay to stop grieving?

It seems so many children are passing over. In my small world I know of 5 who have crossed to the other side in the past few months! You never know why they left as early as they did. They may have died at 5, 15, or 25 but they are your children and they are no longer here.

Most of you would agree that the one who passes crosses over to a place — and experience — of peace and freedom. They are okay. It is you, the parents, siblings, relatives, and friends, who suffer. Consequently, the suffering that you may feel comes from your own feelings of loss, abandonment, and whatever is happening inside you. It does not come from the child and where they are. Therefore, the closure must come from within you!

Many things make this time difficult for those left behind. So often you hear people say, “They (parents) will NEVER get over this!” That undercurrent sets a stage for a lack of healing and a continuation of suffering. Parents need to heal! They are here to have a life. Furthermore, their healing can further free the child on the other side. So, how might that happen?

The first thing a person who has suffered a traumatic loss needs to do is ask her- or himself what they believe about death. Do you believe the soul continues? Then what do you believe its purpose is? What do you believe happens? At the time of a death, you may doubt your beliefs. So, it is important to re-establish what they are and what they were.

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“We judge ONLY in the way we are fearful of being judged.” Kristen Bomas

PREJUDICE — a part of us all — some conscious and some not conscious – all destructive of those we judge – black magic – painful and imprisoning to the targeted people – keeping fear alive in the prejudiced person – goes against free will – absent of compassion, acceptance, love – debilitating…

Prejudice showed on my Facebook pages this month. Likes and number of people reached dropped noticeably. Some posts getting 0 likes or less than 30 reaches. I was saddened. Black faces, prominent black faces, were in almost all of those posts in an effort to honor Black History Month. Slaves — they went unnoticed, judged as unworthy except as labor. We each have trauma somewhere in our history and know that it flows onward. Time does not heal trauma. It takes an active participatory involvement to heal trauma. When it is a culture that exists within the American people it is our responsibility to actively participate in the healing of each of our subcultures: Black, GLBT, Latin, Asian, Israeli, MidEastern and more.

Imagine that each culture in this country is like an organ in your body. If an organ is faltering it takes time for it to heal. If an organ is attacked with a cancer it takes more than just you to heal that organ. All other organs in your body are affected by the organ that is cancerous. Your body is out of balance. You are not able to function as completely as you were when all organs were strong and healthy. If you do not treat that organ it will die and you may too. To treat the organ it will take more than just you because the attack to the organ is bigger than that which you can handle on your own. This is a metaphor to the cultures (organs) of our American People (body).

We are as inherently trained to be prejudiced of the Black people as they are to be prejudiced against. They are people. It is time that we, as a Nation, work to radically eradicate the history and patterns that are so inherent in the Black culture that they cannot heal on their own. We would be a stronger nation for it. We would be a happier people for it.

I wish for you all to take but a minute and move beyond your judgments or our Black culture and ask, “What would this country be like if our Black culture was solidly integrated and active in the American lifestyle?”

Next week in Part 2 I will be discussing what people can do to move beyond their prejudice.

It is Black History Month. We tend to focus on Martin Luther King, Malcom X and those men and women who stood out in the fight for acceptance and equality. We conveniently focus on them. The truth of our black culture lies in the true history — slavery. The black Americans did not come to America for freedom and a chosen new beginning in life. They were forced out of their magical homeland and used for the gain of their owners. They went from being human beings living in honor of the land and life to objects of someone else’s gain and intent. This is the core of our Black culture and we are choosing to ignore it when we continue to condemn, judge, blame, and isolate its people.

Holocaust. That time brings up an empathy in most people in our country. We have museums and monuments, and more, to honor those who were brutally destroyed in the holocaust. We have done research that shows the survivors of the holocaust carry with them a post traumatic stress disorder complex that is passed forward in the lineage of holocaust survivors.

Slavery. That word elicits what image or thought in you? How much do you know about the suffering, terror, brutality and destruction of the slaves, our people. It is the basis to our black culture and its people! It is no different than the holocaust. Yet, we do not honor our own people and how that time in our own history has a definite affect on today’s culture and its people. We quietly talk about it but do not experience the truth of the existence of the people who were the slaves. In other words, we keep ourselves disconnected by cognitively talking about that time rather than experiencing the lives of the people.

I am honoring Black History Month this year to do my part to honor the people who gave their lives and families to the beginnings of this land. We fought to free them but we never really did. It is the white man who defined the black slaves. It was the white man who defined the “savage” Native Indian. We destroyed both cultures. Both live in a silent prison of space within this culture, a culture they should be able to call their’s. How do we truly open our doors to diversity within our homeland? Let’s all begin by taking the history of our fellow Americans to heart. Let’s honor the history of the black people.

I invite you all to visit Whitney Plantation in Wallace, Louisiana. It is the only museum honoring slavery in the country. We have 35,000 museums and not one (until a few years ago) was in honor of slavery. This museum was created and funded by one man, John Cummings, just a few years ago. It is laden with exhibits and memorial artwork among and within restored buildings and hundreds of first-person slave narratives.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. How often did you hear that in your life? How often have you said it quietly to yourself or out loud to others? Have you ever stopped to think about the depth of meaning in that wisdom? Let’s address the meaning and significance of this wisdom.

I previously wrote about passing it forward. If you read that, you know that the intention behind what we say, do, and give is critical!! It’s also critical how we receive. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That’s telling you that everything you do, say, think, or project (in anyway) is to be in the name of how you would like to experience it. That’s a very very steep challenge. And yet, you are all capable of achieving it: one baby step at a time. The challenge begins with an understanding of the cycle of doing unto others in the way you wish for them to do unto you! I will then address three areas of mastering the wisdom of doing unto others. Each is a bit deeper than the previous. I will address awareness as it relates to the behaviors and words spoken. Then I will move inside to the thoughts you may have so you can gain an awareness of your thoughts. Finally, I will address intention – the most internal piece of expressing onto others!

Do unto others is also about how you receive. Receiving is doing unto others. Have you ever attempted to give a gift and the person literally rejects it? Or, have you ever given a gift that someone is not comfortable receiving? And what is it like when you give a gift that is received gratefully and open heartedly? The circle in life says what we pass forward will always come back! We will always do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Whatever we do, in any way, shape, and form, we are passing that forward. Even if it’s only an intention. For example, I buy somebody a gift to make them feel guilty. That is not a very nice gift. The intention behind it is hurtful. Guilt is hurtful. So that is passed forward. And it comes back one day so that you have given in the way you want to receive. You have done unto others as you would have them do unto you??

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Life is defined by the relationships. Your relationships with your Self, partner, friends, family, colleagues, strangers, animals, plants, Mother Earth, Father Sky, Spirit, God, etc. define your life. How you communicate in those relationships defines the relationships that define your life. As this new year begins, I offer you all the opportunity to look at your relationship with all that and who are in your life in any capacity. Where you have joy and fulfillment within you as a result of the relationship, prosper that relationship! Usually, however, relationships go through various changes and challenges and have various meanings in your life. Today, I want to address those relationships that you, for one reason or another, distanced your Self from in 2015.

Every person on this earth has their own life purpose and path. Each person has free will. The free will is what allows everyone the unique opportunity to find joy, acceptance, and love in this life or suffer with hurt, abandonment, and fear. In your relationships, you may get frustrated or hurt by another’s choices, behaviors, or absence. Many of you will retract back from the relationship with thoughts that, inadvertently, propagate the hurt from the other’s actions. You will judge their behaviors or choices as against you and, therefore, unworthy of a relationship with you. But, what if, that other was coming from a very different place than what you expected, assumed or felt? Did you, for the love of your Self, take the time to ask them?

Often times, in your closest friendships and in your partnerships, your greatest challenges are presented. That is by design. You are here with a purpose. That purpose is to heal the suffering and to open your Self to the truth of what and who you are. So, your best friends, partners, and family will be those souls in your life who are here to help you achieve your greater purpose in this life. Where, in your closest relationships, you may feel deep betrayal or hurt, it is an opportunity to ask why it is in your life and to heal the wound. If you choose (and you may) to walk away from the relationship or distance your Self from the other, you have inadvertently chosen to push aside life’s gift. The gift is the healing of the suffering that is within you. The healing is given the opportunity to occur in and as a result of the relationship. For example that same person who frustrated, hurt, shamed or betrayed you may create the exact same experience with another but that other may not have the same emotional reaction/s. This is because your history is what allows those fear-based emotions to be tied to that particular experience with the other.

So, in this new year and new beginning, ask your Self if there is a relationship in your life that needs to be healed. It may be a relationship that truly needed a new beginning because of whatever lead to the dissolution or distancing. There is a reason why the relationship suffered. It offers each of you the opportunity to ask what lead up to this event. What part of your experience in the relationship was not being fulfilled prior to the upset? Were you speaking your needs clearly? Were you letting the other know when the smaller “things” hurt or bothered you? Did you let your Self be known to the other in terms of how you define that type of relationship and the experience you wished to have with them?

I ask each and every one of you to look at all past and present relationships and ask your Self which ones you have created a gentle distance, a significant distance, or dissolution. Then I challenge each of you to address that/those relationships this year. What will it take to feel a mending of your wounds? I challenge you to find the strength and courage to face the other with your needs and emotional reactions. You are not addressing them to get them to change but to speak on your own behalf and begin your healing. Create a new beginning for your Self.

I wish each of you a wonderful, love-filled experience with your Self as you venture forth and address at least one relationship that needs mending. Feel free to use AskKristen on my website or send me an email, if you would like more specific support to your unique challenging relationship in life.