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Coveting Calm ~ TRANSCEND

June 29, 2020

Today I’m going to focus on the topic of transcending your fear. Especially as it relates to the pandemic. And I’m going to do this by quoting my upcoming book, The Sage’s Template.

“The experiences of this life are either fear-based and uncomfortable or love-based and comfortable.  Most everyone is looking to feel comfortable and in a “good” place, so what is the purpose of this dual format of experiencing?  By design, in this life, you will experience fear. Fear is what creates the illusion of separation. It is through the knowing and then transcending of fear or suffering that you are able to experience the truth of who you are.”


Coveting Calm – An Introduction

June 2, 2020

Across the country, the lockdowns associated with the COVID-19 pandemic have lifted, are lifting, or will soon lift. Things will begin to look and feel a little more familiar than they did when you were sequestered in your home, juggling work, family, health, and financial commitments – just to name a few.

As you emerge from the chaos, and enter into what has become your new experience of life, you have the opportunity to look back at the past weeks and assess how you weathered the storm. What behaviors, attitudes, and actions brought you the most happiness and joy during quarantine? How could you improve upon them moving forward? Are there things you would do differently if faced with another lockdown or similar limitations?

Like Jack Canfield says, ‘If you want to change the results you get in the future, you must change how you respond to events in your life starting today.’ OR: As I always say, “If you want a different future, today you must do something different from yesterday because today is tomorrow’s yesterday.”

In the coming weeks I will revisit many of the emotions you may have experienced, or are still experiencing, as you cope with these uncertain times. I will focus on feelings of Fear, Calm, Disconnect, Anxiety, Depression, Lack, Gratitude, Relationships, and Living for Today.

So, please join me to identify opportunities to find strength and courage within yourself and use even the most trying experiences as a launching pad to blossom into the person you’ve always known your Self to be.

Lineage and Legacy: Honoring Black History Month

February 3, 2016

It is Black History Month. We tend to focus on Martin Luther King, Malcom X and those men and women who stood out in the fight for acceptance and equality. We conveniently focus on them. The truth of our black culture lies in the true history — slavery. The black Americans did not come to America for freedom and a chosen new beginning in life. They were forced out of their magical homeland and used for the gain of their owners. They went from being human beings living in honor of the land and life to objects of someone else’s gain and intent. This is the core of our Black culture and we are choosing to ignore it when we continue to condemn, judge, blame, and isolate its people.


Holocaust. That time brings up an empathy in most people in our country. We have museums and monuments, and more, to honor those who were brutally destroyed in the holocaust. We have done research that shows the survivors of the holocaust carry with them a post traumatic stress disorder complex that is passed forward in the lineage of holocaust survivors.


Slavery. That word elicits what image or thought in you? How much do you know about the suffering, terror, brutality and destruction of the slaves, our people. It is the basis to our black culture and its people! It is no different than the holocaust. Yet, we do not honor our own people and how that time in our own history has a definite affect on today’s culture and its people. We quietly talk about it but do not experience the truth of the existence of the people who were the slaves. In other words, we keep ourselves disconnected by cognitively talking about that time rather than experiencing the lives of the people.


I am honoring Black History Month this year to do my part to honor the people who gave their lives and families to the beginnings of this land. We fought to free them but we never really did. It is the white man who defined the black slaves. It was the white man who defined the “savage” Native Indian. We destroyed both cultures. Both live in a silent prison of space within this culture, a culture they should be able to call their’s. How do we truly open our doors to diversity within our homeland? Let’s all begin by taking the history of our fellow Americans to heart. Let’s honor the history of the black people.


I invite you all to visit Whitney Plantation in Wallace, Louisiana. It is the only museum honoring slavery in the country. We have 35,000 museums and not one (until a few years ago) was in honor of slavery. This museum was created and funded by one man, John Cummings, just a few years ago. It is laden with exhibits and memorial artwork among and within restored buildings and hundreds of first-person slave narratives.

Divorce Doesn’t Have To Ruin The Holidays: Key 3 – Every Gift Given is Filled with Love

December 15, 2015

Looking at the holiday celebration for divorced and separated families, we have looked at acceptance and loving emotionality as the foundation of the holiday. As we continue talking about the components of a holiday for a divorced family, we would be remiss to not talk about the gifts given. The joy of giving gifts at this time is intimate and lasting – for the child and the parent. For the child, it is part of the foundation of many holiday memories. A gift that is given to the child, for the child, and with the purpose of fulfilling the child’s wish, sets the stage of a joyous holiday and joyous memories. Gifts given with an agenda are felt by the child which alters the way they receive it and remember it.


Often it is forgotten that the above-mentioned emotions and expression are a form of gift giving. As a parent, your very presence is a present. Be present during the holidays. The holidays, in particular, are about the way you feel and about your experience. Those are internal. Therefore, the greatest part of the holiday is filling it with your love, acceptance and joy! The greatest gift you can give your child is your own healing, especially for the holidays!!! It is in your healing that the child — intuitively, emotionally, and physically – can begin healing as well!



Challenges Strengthen a Partnership

February 5, 2015

A romantic life partnership is composed of two individuals. Each is at the center of their own infinite life. Let me explain. A person’s life is like a matrix, infinitely expansive. Each crosshatch in the matrix is a challenge in this lifetime and each challenge point is another matrix. Consequently, the individual stands in the middle of an infinite matrix composed of infinite matrices. In a partnership, you have two infinite matrices, if you will. So you aren’t going to become one. One person is not the completion of another. One person is not the right arm of another. Each individual is complete in and of their Self. The two individuals connect to one another to create a greater whole.

That is a very intimate connection. It is a connection that allows the flow of life to move between the two lives. Consequently, in order to continue growing in a true partnership, the two individuals must learn to communicate. What that means is that when either of the individuals experience a challenge, the challenge is put in front of the two individuals sitting or standing side-by-side observing that challenge. Because individuals have infinite challenges, a partnership will include an infinite set of challenges. In fact, the greater the partnership the deeper the wounds that can be healed. Which means that the challenges that come to the surface can appear to weigh heavy on the partnership.

So it takes two individuals willing to sit side-by-side, as a team, looking at each challenge that arises as another opportunity to heal and move further into the infinity of their lives together. It takes two individuals willing to explore themselves and the other. It takes two individuals willing to be explored by the other. It takes a willingness to eliminate all assumptions about the other. Knowing, in their self that they do not know what is happening inside the other until they ask.

An ideal partnership lasts at least a lifetime. Because the infinity of life keeps the adventure ongoing for both parties. May you all find the infinity in your love relationships!

Holiday Gifts

December 23, 2014

Hanukah, Winter Solstice, New Moon, and Christmas, what do they all have in common?  Birth (re-birth), Creation, New Beginning, Living, Magik of Life.  We give gifts at this time of year, why? To adorn, honor, commit, express love and gratitude, and create. What is the greatest gift of all? YOU! Because without you, there would be no life with you, for you, or of you.


Gifts. For Hanukah, it is the gift of the temple returned and the magik of the lights. For Winter Solstice it is the end of the darkest day and the gift of the entry of greater light into our days. New Moon is the darkest of nights opening to the gift of light entering. Christmas is the gift of the light of Christ and his teachings.


Light.  It is of the truth.  It illuminates our life.  It is in absence of the dark, the illusions, the suffering.  Light. Its energy warms us and nurtures us.  It gives us life. Each of us is of light.


You are a gift. Each of us has our own dreams.  Each of us desire love, acceptance, and joy.  Tis the season of light. You can choose to be a gift of light.  Illuminate the truth in those around you by showing compassion and acceptance.  Express your love of family, friends, and neighbors. In these ways you are giving your Selves as a gift … a Gift of Light.


I wish you all a very Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, and Wonderful Winter Solstice with the New Moon.  I wish you all the gift of enjoying the company you keep, the gift of creating your dreams in this life and the gift of willingness to step into a new beginning while trusting in the unknown outcome.  I thank you for the diversity of your beliefs and lives.  That alone is a great gift in my life.


With love, warmth, and compassion

Speak Your Truth Radio: Texting and Relationships

December 10, 2014

‘Why did he text me that instead of calling?’


‘When she texts me, she seems like a different person.’


‘How could he ignore my text messages?’


‘She completely misunderstood what I said in my text.’


With our newer forms of communication, have you asked yourself one of the above questions about texting in your relationships? Some people constantly text to communicate. Other people find it to be extremely impersonal. One thing is certain, everyone is texting. When mixing this type of communication with our loved ones, things can get confusing, frustrating and disappointing. Listen in as I discuss the pitfalls of texting, and some steps on doing it properly.


Please join in on the conversation by sharing your experiences or submitting questions about this topic which will be part of a continuing series.


Teaching Our Youth Healthy Life Partnerships

October 15, 2014

My neighbor and friend asked how we teach our adolescents and young adults how to find a marriage partner.


There are three things that interfere with people being able to find a lasting partnership. The first is that we live in a time where divorce is a viable and acceptable option. What I mean by that is in generations past it was not so. So the children of those parents had the possibility or probability of seeing a relationship that had to work through its difficulties and challenges. Of course, the downside is that children of abusive households did not see one parent leave another to rescue the children from the hostile environment. But if we put abuse aside, we know that our children back then saw parents who were the spine of the family and had to go through their challenges together in order to push forward. Today, with divorce being so acceptable people are more apt to divorce rather than work through any struggles or challenges in the relationship.


A second difference is that today we have decided that rather than getting married for practical reasons or by design, that we will marry because of love. But what is love? And more importantly, what is love to you. Most people have come to believe that to marry for love means they’re going to have a marriage with someone with whom they feel this ”Wow!” Many further believe they should always be able to keep this love alive! It is as if they will fall in love, go wow, and ride into the sunset together. I’m being a bit silly with that but what I do find is that most people think that marrying for love means they will have a very blissful, fun, enjoyable, relationship with one another. Unfortunately, in that equation they forget about the fact that, by design, this life has challenges. So you cannot have a life partnership without challenges. In fact, your greatest relationships will bring up your deepest challenges. So if you get married you can bank on the fact that your challenges are going to be brought to the surface.


The third piece that I believe has an impact on lasting marriage today is that as a people we are very externally focused. Consequently, most people think that they are picking the partner. I hear people describe their list of qualities and characteristics of that person who will make their perfect marriage partner. You can find, however, at least 10 individuals with the same qualities and characteristics but all of them will give you a very very different experience in a relationship. We cannot develop a healthy, fulfilling, loving relationship by picking a person with particular characteristics.


That being said, what do we want to teach our young and in order to help them develop healthy relationships? First as adults and or parents, we must look at our own relationships and begin to heal those. We need to display healthy relationships so that the children of our community can see what that is. Our children need to experience healthy relationships by virtue of knowing them and living around or with them.


Second, we must start to teach our adolescents and young adults how to speak their truth, resolve conflicts, communicate, accept their Self, etc. we must teach them that love, true love, in a life partnership endures and grows from the challenges presented to it. We must teach them that the same truth exists within their own self for their own life. It is then that they will learn to communicate in a style of exploring (self and other) with teaching (self) and learning (other). This opens the relationship rather than meeting expectations which are external to self.


A third suggestion is we need to begin to teach ourselves and our youth that we are not looking for an ideal partner — we’re looking for the ideal partnership. We need to teach them, and help them know, what experience they wish to have in her life partnership. Once they know the experience they wish to have, then they will meet all of these people with similar characteristics but will be more able to choose the one person who is willing to match in developing a healthy, loving, accepting relationship going forward.


It certainly would be nice if divorce became not so comfortable or acceptable. It would be nice if we truly helped married couples work through the challenges and stay together. Most choose, instead, to jump on the bandwagon with them and help them get divorced. Friends tend to get caught up in their friend’s anger at the other and, thereby, fuel a divorce. It is an understandable reaction as a friend. It is just not the only stance nor is it always the most beneficial.


In closing, if we could gain a greater understanding of how to create a healthy life partnership in general. We would live, display and propagate healthy relationships in our youth. This means we need to change our way of defining our relationships, the way we communicate, and where we place our life focus. Together, as a people, if we truly begin to learn to have a healthy partnership, we will strengthen our family structure and bonds. With a stronger family unit, this country would begin to heal most of its social challenges. And so it is, one person at a time can change a country or a world. If you choose to learn a healthy relationship you will affect AT LEAST your lineage going forward!


When Did Entitlement Become Fashionable?

October 30, 2013

As a people, we seem to be defining ourselves as entitled. There are many examples. People don’t vote, but they want things to be in their favor. The father is handicapped, so it is ok for the adult child to use the tag for parking. Because someone has money, he or she feels they should get preferential treatment. Because the other has more money, a person feels deserving of that other paying for something. Even though the policy says one thing, a person who feels entitled feels he or she should be given special variance to that policy. There is the entitled thought that if a person yells loud enough and makes enough commotion, he or she will give or get money back or get their way!! A cop has numbers to make, so he or she dishes out a DUI to a person who makes a traffic error because he or she can (no care for the impact on that person). And so the stories go…


Until we stop thinking from this point of reference, we will not take responsibility to make the change needed on this plane. We are not entitled to all of Mother Earth’s resources or each other’s resources. In fact, we are not entitled — period. Many articles talk of entitlement synonymously with narcissism. While there is a cross over, they are each separate and distinct. Entitlement seems to have various characteristics.

  • There is an absence of remorse that appears to be in entitlement. There does not seem to be any thought or feeling about the impact of the taking. Yet, there is a burden of responsibility on that other from where or whom an entitled person took. For example: “You scratched my car door but I am going to get my whole car painted at your expense!”
  • There is a selfishness that appears to be a part of entitlement. For example: “I can, therefore I will.” The thought “I want” seems to be the only focus until it’s had.
    There is a litigious attitude fed by and feeding entitlement. For example: “I’ll sue you because I can (I am entitled)!”
  • There is an impatience that exists in entitlement. For example: “I don’t have to wait, to earn, to understand. I want what I want now.” It seems to be fed by an absence of delay of gratification.
  • There is a give-up attitude from entitlement. For example: “I don’t like the way you are in this relationship, I want a divorce.”
  • There is an absence of need to work. For example: ” I should get everything I want when I want it, even if I haven’t worked for it.”

    Entitlement is a fear-based experience. It comes, at least in part, from the fear of not having or the fear of not being ok or good enough. Somehow a person learns that they do not have to work for what they are receiving. They do not have to earn the experience or object. They do not feel the personal ownership that comes with the earning. They think they deserve things they haven’t earned and may develop contempt for people who work to earn things. That suggests they are lacking in confidence and may feel contempt for themselves if they have to work to earn something. Yet, any time a fear-based experience is in our life, it is an opportunity to heal. Our fear-based emotions and/or experiences are in our lives to show us that which we are not. In other words, they are opportunities to heal and unveil our True, Soulful self.


    As long as entitlement is acceptable or fashionable, we will see a vanishing of

  • Gratitude
  • Self respect
  • Frustration tolerance
  • Responsibility
  • Work ethics

    As those qualities dissipate, the blame mentality and attitude of indulgence and anti-responsibility are fed. It, therefore, affects the way we treat each other, animals, objects, and Mother Earth and her resources. Concurrently, it holds the individual back from their

  • Potential
  • Adventure of life
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Creativity
  • Intrinsic fulfillment
  • Happiness

    So, where do we begin? With our Self and then our children! In life, there is no entitlement, there is no blame, and there is no expectation. There is only you. So, the true antidote is in the personal acceptance of responsibility for the actions, thoughts, and beliefs that you may have bought into. It takes introspection and a sense of being humble to be aware of where you may be feeling entitled. Once you can be honest with your Self and acknowledge those places where you are feeling entitled, you can begin to unravel the snarled web of all you gathered in this life that lead to the entitlement. It is then that you can begin your healing. As you pay attention to the cords that make up that snarled web, you then can begin to heal your children and redirect them to a life that is absent of entitlement.


    Anxiety: What is it, what causes it, what to do about it? Part 2

    May 16, 2013

    Welcome to Part 2 of this series on anxiety where we will look at causes of anxiety. Part 1 described anxiety and gave a simple description or feel of anxiety. If you missed the beginning of this series, you can find it by clicking here: PART ONE. This article will address how anxiety may be caused by environmental factors, medical factors, substance abuse, or a combination of these. Although it has been suggested there may be a genetic component in anxiety, this article will talk of environmental factors that may be more influential. Finally, the article will address that while anxiety is a response to outside forces and can be amplified with “negative self-talk” or a belief in the worry, rarely can an immediate trigger to anxiety be identified.

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    Kristen Bomas, PA
    398 Camino Gardens Blvd., Suite 104
    Boca Raton, Fl 33432


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