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We Are Not Born Judging Each Other

Hate is fear; fear is the absence of love! Within your Self, when you judge and hate you are not able to feel love. You may think that your hate and judgment are about the other person or group of people but it is only happening inside you. You are the one living with the hate, rage, anger, and heavy density. It clutters your mind and shadows your heart. Consequently, you are the only one who ends up suffering until, of course, your anger causes harm to others.


We are given this life and we were given free will. Free will says you have the right to live with your hate, anger, rage, and judgment. Free will also allows people to live in harmony, love, unity and peace. Free will gives each of us the opportunity to live this life as we choose. What it does not do is support the destruction of the free will and the rights of another human being.


You are not born with fear and anger or any of the fear-based emotions. You are not born with judgment since judgment comes from fear. You learned all of that, and the beliefs associated with them, in this lifetime. You thought you had to believe as you were taught to believe. But now you have a choice. Do you want to live with love for you, from you, and for others? Or do you want to live in absence of love? Do you want a life filled with pain, suffering, anger, and heat or a life filled with love and happiness?


Can you be grateful for who you are at the same time you’re hating another? The answer is no. So, yes, it is your right to hate, judge, and be angry. It is your choice to live at that level of suffering. Just remember suffering begets suffering and fear begets fear. It is love that begets gratitude, joy, and love. So, I ask you which do you prefer? And be clear, because even if you were feeling anger and hate at those who are angry and hateful you are feeding the darkness not light.


May each and every one of you be graced with gratitude, forgiveness, and love.


Moving Beyond Prejudice: Part 1

“We judge ONLY in the way we are fearful of being judged.” Kristen Bomas


PREJUDICE — a part of us all — some conscious and some not conscious – all destructive of those we judge – black magic – painful and imprisoning to the targeted people – keeping fear alive in the prejudiced person – goes against free will – absent of compassion, acceptance, love – debilitating…


Prejudice showed on my Facebook pages this month. Likes and number of people reached dropped noticeably. Some posts getting 0 likes or less than 30 reaches. I was saddened. Black faces, prominent black faces, were in almost all of those posts in an effort to honor Black History Month. Slaves — they went unnoticed, judged as unworthy except as labor. We each have trauma somewhere in our history and know that it flows onward. Time does not heal trauma. It takes an active participatory involvement to heal trauma. When it is a culture that exists within the American people it is our responsibility to actively participate in the healing of each of our subcultures: Black, GLBT, Latin, Asian, Israeli, MidEastern and more.


Imagine that each culture in this country is like an organ in your body. If an organ is faltering it takes time for it to heal. If an organ is attacked with a cancer it takes more than just you to heal that organ. All other organs in your body are affected by the organ that is cancerous. Your body is out of balance. You are not able to function as completely as you were when all organs were strong and healthy. If you do not treat that organ it will die and you may too. To treat the organ it will take more than just you because the attack to the organ is bigger than that which you can handle on your own. This is a metaphor to the cultures (organs) of our American People (body).


We are as inherently trained to be prejudiced of the Black people as they are to be prejudiced against. They are people. It is time that we, as a Nation, work to radically eradicate the history and patterns that are so inherent in the Black culture that they cannot heal on their own. We would be a stronger nation for it. We would be a happier people for it.


I wish for you all to take but a minute and move beyond your judgments or our Black culture and ask, “What would this country be like if our Black culture was solidly integrated and active in the American lifestyle?”

Next week in Part 2 I will be discussing what people can do to move beyond their prejudice.

An Experience with the Transgender Person

I had the honor of being interviewed by The Palm Beach Post this week for an article regarding Bruce Jenner and transgender issues.


Many people in this country are on standby waiting for Bruce Jenner to announce to Diane Sawyer “something”! We truly don’t know what! The assumptions running rampant are all saying he’s going to announce his transformation from a male body to a female body. The transformation would identify him as a transgender person or as a person having Gender Dysphoria. My greatest concern (after the fact that our media is anchored in assumption rather than fact) is the amount of judgment that will come from those who do not understand what transgender means and is.


We all dream of being unconditionally accepted. In order to be accepted we must be understood. So let me try to help everyone understand a bit about the person who is transgender and then maybe we can have more acceptance through our understanding and compassion.


Right now take a minute to feel that place inside you where you know you are a man or a woman. Feel this knowing inside you that has nothing to do with your reflection in the mirror. It is indescribable. It is simply a place deep inside where you just know you are a man or a woman, a girl or a boy.


Now, when you look at your physical body in a mirror there is a match. If you know you are a woman and you look in a mirror and you see a woman’s body, you feel a comfortable match. I’m not talking about your judgment about the way the body looks! I’m saying your knowingness of being female or male matches, and is confirmed by, the body!


Okay let’s take the next step! Now imagine you leave the mirror and go to your closet and pull out your clothes. If you are a man in a man’s body, you pull out men’s clothing and you have further comfort in the clothing as it rests on your body and further defines you as a man. Now, you go back to the mirror and feel ready to present your Self to others.


You now leave the house to go to your destination. As you enter, you say hello to the first person who you recognize and you hear your voice. And your voice is that of a man or a woman and it matches your clothing, which matches your body, which matches the knowing inside you that says you are a man or a woman, respectively.


I hope you’re starting to feel the depth of your gender and how it matches your body and your lifestyle. What happens for the transgender isn’t anything like what you just walked yourself through. The man feels like a woman on the inside knowing that she’s a woman on the inside but has the body of a man. The reflection in the mirror each and every time is a reflection of a man and that contradicts the knowingness of being a woman. The clothes on this body feel foreign and announce the foreign nature of the body within which this knowing of being a woman resides. Her voice, when she speaks, is that of a man and again confirms that she is not who she feels she is. She reaches for a glass and her hand is not the hand that matches the way she feels inside. There is no comfort or consistency in her experience of life.


How does the person who is transgender learn to accept their own self? How do they learn to be accepted by others when others will never know the truth of who they are on the inside. We don’t feel accepted because of how we look, or what we do, or by what others see. We feel accepted by others when they know who we are in truth, with all of our challenges and all of our strengths, all of our beauty and all of our differences.


So the transgender person lives without acceptance because no one knows, understands, or can accept them because who they are is kept hidden in a foreign body. How can there be acceptance when others don’t know that the transgender person is a different gender on the inside than what the body is displaying on the outside?


A transgender person is not a transvestite or cross dresser or enjoying a fetish. The latter three are choices people make for enjoyment, variation, and/or performance. The transgender person wears, and feels connected to, the clothes when they match the sex they know they are. This is not the same as being a drag queen or feeling sexually aroused by opposite sexed clothes.


A transgender person may feel at least disconnected from, if not repulsed by, their body and genitalia because of the mismatch. They prefer activities that are traditionally of the sex they know they are. Until the time the transgender person chooses to live in a body that matches who they are, they tend to feel very trapped, unknown, unseen, not to mention lonely and more.


So, let’s all do our best to help at least one person understand the person who suffers with Gender Dysphoria! Let’s help them find true acceptance in this life! Let’s remember that this is not a choice. Feel the compassion of the suffering of a fellow human being and help them feel the support of compassion and acceptance. Do not be afraid to ask questions to genuinely learn from the transgender person who you meet or know! There is no better way to show your acceptance and to gain comfort. And remember,

“We only judge in the way we are fearful of being judged.”
K. Bomas


To read the Palm Beach Post story, click here.

Love, Does it complete us?

Love! Does it complete us? Or, are we complete in and of our self?


This weekend is Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all. Last year I asked you what Valentine’s Day meant/means to you. To me, this day is a day to honor love in our lives, all love in our lives. The greatest love is of spirit or god. The next greatest love is of self. Without love of self how do we know love?


Love is an experience. Love is a plethora of experiences. In this American language we use one word for all of those experiences. Consequently, it’s confusing to many. It’s confusing because we don’t know the love of our Self. As we introduce ourselves to our Selves we begin to fall in love with who we are. It is that love that allows us to feel complete within our Selves. As we evolve into a state of enlightenment, mastery, or unconditional freedom, we begin to feel a longing for a partnership. It’s a partnership different from what we thought it was when we first started in this lifetime. It is different because we felt a completeness within our Self that expanded to a desire to unite with a greater completeness.


Let me give an example using a portion of what occurs within Self. We begin with an imbalance of energy. Women tend to have greater female energy and men tend to have greater male energy. Then we realize that the combination of the male energy and the female energy that can exists in such perfect balance within us is something we want to achieve. Once achieved, we want to experience that with another. For those who are gay, they have been blessed with the balance of the male and female energy that they then have to learn to express comfortably in a society where that may not be the case. The longing for a partnership for a gay or lesbian person is very different than the longing for a partnership in someone who is not gay. There is no longer a gender difference defining the balance of the energies. The energies are internally experienced and defined even though not completely balanced.


If ultimately we are here to find great balance through unconditional love and acceptance, then love of our self becomes quite important. It is in the development of love of your Self that you begin to feel complete in who you are! It is then that you begin to feel the longing for the unity with the complement of an Other’s energy. It is an experience. Your partner is the Yin to your Yang or the Yang to your Yin. As love of Self grows so does love of Other. It is infinite in its growth and possibilities. It is at that point, that we can experience true unity and harmony with One. It is worth celebrating daily!! It is definitely worth honoring with a special day annually.


So, on this Valentine’s Day, each of you has a choice you can make. If there a partner in your life, you can choose to honor and cherish the love you share at this time or rebel against some external definition of this day and not celebrate? If there is not a partner in your life, would you like to honor and cherish a love that is growing inside yourself for your Self or would you like to not do that and feel the pain and suffering of longing for a partner. You can celebrate the love you have for your Self or get lost in the suffering of the loneliness, of the longing, of the doubt. Which would you prefer at this time of celebration of love, a day or weekend filled with love or a day or weekend filled with the suffering of loss or rebelliousness/anger?


I challenge all of you to really look at love in your lives on this weekend. How do you express it to your Self and others? How do you feel it in your Self and from others? While Valentine’s Day may be a “made-up” holiday, it is still a holiday that brings us back to our relationship with Self and Other in the name of love. May each of you find love that unites you with your Self, with your partner and family, and with all of those around you! May you feel the unity with all and with Spirit/God!


I wish you a very happy Valentine’s Day! May you all enjoy the love of Love!


From Anger To Uniting


I looked extensively for some reasoning behind the world participating in the Sochi Olympics given Russia’s new federal legislation that defines “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations” (being out as gay or supporting the LBGT community) as a crime. I can’t find anything that I can embrace. I looked hard. Hate, prejudice, bullying, persecution — none can be justified. So, how do we allow a perception of supporting or ignoring it by participating in the games?


I believe the suggestion to pull out of the Olympics is not intended to “punish” our athletes or destroy their dream to compete. The suggestion, I hope, is to protect our young athletes and those who they know and love. The danger is not limited to the athletes and their families. It includes all reporters, media staff, spectators and Olympic staff as potentially being seen as propagandizing the gay lifestyle. Sadly, it will take one person in, or associated with, the Olympics to get assaulted, bludgeoned, or killed and the entire world, outside of Russia, will feel the hurt. So, why not move the Olympics back to Vancouver, Canada!!!


What allows us to continue to imagine participation in Sochi? Is it that, as a world, we are not ready to stand strong and protect gay culture? Or, is it that we are afraid to go against Russia? Or, is it that life is just not as valuable as the money that will be grossed from participating in the games? Or, have we really created such a selfish mentality that our athletes would rather risk lives to compete than to stand strong in integrity and not?


All of these thoughts can increase anger because people feel helpless to create the change. It is as if the games will go on, regardless. In life, when anger is ignited, I ask what is behind it. What drives it? In this case, it is the helplessness that comes from not being able to stop the pain of being judged. Further, it is the pain of being judged in a way that does not allow the truth of the person to be known or seen. It is the rejection, condemnation, and destruction that comes as a result of those ill judgments. You do not need to be gay to feel those feelings. You do not need to be Jewish to feel those feelings. You need only to be human. Everyone feels that pain in this life at some point. Would you support someone judging your child that way? What does it take to grow beyond that “fear” of judgment? As an individual it takes a LOT! So, as a culture or world it takes a LOT more! If we allow our Selves to sit passively until there is reason to fight, it will ignite in all of us the rage that comes from that inner awareness of the pain of judgment. It is ugly rage. If, however, we are proactive rather than reactive and say we will not be a part of Russia’s abusive, criminal behavior, then we stay in front of our anger and prevent the hurt from being multiplied (not to mention, potentially save lives!!).


What stops people from standing strong and uniting? The anger we feel can unite us but for some reason doesn’t. Some of the interference in unity comes from the media. The media presents the information that ignites fear-based emotions in the people. Those emotions then cause fragmentation and do not promote belief in the unity that each person is a critical part in creating. There is no unity without YOU because you are the unit who makes it unity! As a people we need to stand strong individually so that the uniting can begin — one person at a time. Uniting in the name of love and acceptance — that’s The Spirit/God I believe exists.


One man started that process. Brian Burke, Director of Player Personnel for the US Olympic Hockey Team, had a gay son who came out in 2007 and was killed in an accident in 2010. As a tribute and honoring of his son, Brian has created a nonprofit organization for gay athletes. According to the Russian legislation, he is at risk to be arrested! This could be a place where we can begin, one person at a time, to unite with Brian and his efforts and to feel the circle of life seal itself around the world, on behalf of unity, freedom and safety. We can then push to the outside of that circle those who want to live in a state of hate and abuse. This is why I believe we must stand strong and refuse to participate in the 2014 Winter Olympics as long as they are in Sochi.


Click Here to support Brian Burke’s You Can Play Project


Click Here to sign the petition created by James Lavin to Strip Sochi of the 2014 Winter Games


Kristen Bomas, PA
398 Camino Gardens Blvd., Suite 104
Boca Raton, Fl 33432


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