This month trees’ leaves change to colors.  Beautiful colors.  Colors that no one knew were there when the leaves were all green.  Colors that no one knew were there when there were no leaves and the tree was barren.  And yet here they are. 

There are times in life when you are lost in your challenges and your colors are missing completely.  You are in a gray, sad space.  No one knows who you are beyond the pain you are experiencing.  And yet, you are beautiful colors beyond the gray pain.

There are times when you are participating in life and showing a happy face and yet the experiences are mostly superficial and similar over and over.  Patterns remain the same, days remain the same, people remain the same.  People think they know you but they do not.  They only know the part of you that participates in the same old stuff.

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Welcome to the new 30-Day challenge. This month is about how communication begins with you.

Week 4

Speaking From and About Self

Using a scale of 1 through 7 (where 1 is not at all, 4 is neutral and 7 is always) please rate the following questions.

• I teach others who I am and how I feel. I feel understood.

• When communicating about something important to me, others do not feel the defensiveness.

• I am aware of what I am experiencing and what I need at all times and then able to clearly be understood and supported by others as I communicate that.

A score of 3 through 8 means:
You are struggling with feelings of being understood and appreciated. it may seem like no one really listens to you or understands you. your communication style still feels like it’s a struggle for you. You’re not knowing how to be heard and understood.

A score of 9 through 15 means:
You may be feeling frustrated with others. It may seem like no matter how hard you “try” they just don’t get it! Your style of communicating still includes reading others and trying to get a particular response. You are still speaking through them but you’re learning to say more about who you are and what you need. Keep up the good work!

A score of 16 to 21 means:
You’re feeling a sense of freedom and great support from others understanding and supportive of you and your needs your style of communicating is clearly about you and you’re able to state who UR without reference to what the others have done. Your style of communicating opens you up and opens up others. Good for you!

Welcome to the new 30-Day challenge. This month is about how communication begins with you.

Week 3

Listening To and Observing Self

Using a scale of 1 through 7 (where 1 is not at all, 4 is neutral and 7 is always) please rate the following questions.

• I listen to what I am saying to others, especially if I am angry or upset.

• I am not avoidant of others’ criticisms of me — constructive or otherwise.

• I do not take personally others’ remarks or behaviors.

• I am aware of my pet peeves in traffic and how it speaks to me about me.

A score of 4 through 8 means:
You may feel weary from judgments and misunderstandings. You may still be attached to how the world sees you. Your style of communicating may include trying to defend what you’re trying to say about you and yet never feeling heard or understood.

A score of 9 through 22 means:
You’re beginning to see your self as separate and see communication has not always going against who you are. Your style of communicating may include a hesitant or simple expression of self to those with whom you feel safe. You’re still slow to trust everyone with your spontaneous thoughts and dreams.

A score of 23 through 28 means:
You’re able to be in an observing stance so communication is about you and others distinctly. Your style of communication is an absence of most offensiveness and does not create defensiveness and others. Your style is spontaneous and centered on teaching others about you and asking others about them.

Welcome to the new 30-Day challenge. This month is about how communication begins with you.

Week 2

Understanding Self

Using a scale of 1 through 7 (where 1 is not at all, 4 is neutral and 7 is always) please rate the following questions.

• When I am hurt or angry I take the time to understand from where that emotion is coming. I don’t blame the other.

• I am aware of the experiences I want to happen this life. For example, I can answer the following types of questions on a regular basis. “Where would you like to go for dinner? What would you like to do this weekend? Do you know what you need to pack for vacation?”

• Rarely do others react to my words in ways that I did not intend.

• I am aware of patterns in my key relationships that are just like the key relationships I observed or experienced while growing up.

A score of 4 through 8 means:
You may still be defining yourself through others’ expectations of you. Therefore your communication style is by reading others and responding to their needs or expectations.

A score of 9 through 22 means:
You’re beginning to feel the difference between what others are putting upon you and what is truly you! Your communication is shifting away from what they want you to say to what you want to say about you and your needs.

A score of 23 through 28 means:
You have gained an understanding and acceptance of your self that allows you to stand in your truth well communicating. Your style of communicating will be much more about teaching others of you and less about telling others about them.

Welcome to the new 30-Day challenge. This month is about how communication begins with you.

Week 1

How We Were Taught

Were you taught to communicate to please? See how you were taught to communicate with these four quick questions! Using a scale of 1 through 7 (where 1 is not at all, 4 is neutral and 7 is always) please rate the following questions.

• In my school years, it was important to me to have good grades and behaviors because I knew they were going to be addressed by my parents as either good enough or not acceptable.

• While living at home I had thoughts like “why can’t they see who I am? Or why do they see me like that? Or that’s not what I was thinking!”

• While living at home, I had fears of telling my parents about what was going on in my life because I was afraid they would either get angry at me or certainly not understand!

• I tend to watch the person across from me as I am speaking or responding to be sure they are comfortable with my communication.

A score of 4 through 11 means:
You may have been influenced to be aware of who you are and felt accepted in that. You tend to communicate openly regarding your interests, needs, and feelings. You are probably looking to gain even greater freedom in your style of sharing your self. Great for you!

A score of 12 through 21 means:
You were influenced away from who you are in truth and you bought into some of what they were telling you about who you are and who you needed to be. Yet, there appears to be a strength that kept you aware of your unique qualities and characteristics. You found people and places to express your Self and receive good response. You may have learned to communicate by reading others at some level. You may tend to follow rules and make sure you are doing and saying the right thing. You may get angry when defensive or when you feel misunderstood or embarrassed. You may feel resistance to being told what to do. You find your Self trying to be understood but falling short with those whose needs you cannot meet. You are ready to learn a new way!

A score of 22 through 28 means:
You struggled with how to communicate who you are to others. You learned to be fearful of the You struggled with how to communicate who you are to others. You learned to be fearful of the judgments and criticisms and the comments that may occur if you were different from anyone else around you. You may have had to fight hard to be accepted and to be pleasing. Your communication may be focused on pleasing others rather than expressing yourself. It’s time to give your Self an introduction to others!!

WEEK FOUR

We have all had it drilled into us that healthy eating and exercise are critical to a balance in life. Yet some people exercise too much, some not at all, and some people exercise and feel stressed by it. Where do you lie in that continuum? How do you understand and define healthy eating? Do you find yourself going on diets to lose weight and then gaining weight back again? Do you desire to eat healthy? What does that mean to you? Is it a lifestyle or a temporary diet change? To exercise and eat healthy is to bring balance into your life but when exercise and healthy eating are not clearly defined, it can actually lead to stress and imbalance rather than balance in your life.

Stress, Self and Better Health: Exercise and Diet

Let’s start with exercise. How do you define exercise? And, once you’ve defined it, how do you exercise? Is it easy for you to initiate exercise? Is exercise on your daily calendar? How is it on your daily calendar? It is important to know what you enjoy and don’t enjoy. You may not think you enjoy ANY physical activity. If so, is there any activity that you enjoy watching? Or is there someone whose activity is of some interest to you? There are many ways to find your form of exercise!

Not many people exercise in a way that is freeing of stress and complementary to their health. Why? They are exercising because they think they should, they’re exercising because they want the external results, they are exercising to stay away from emotions, and so much more. For some, exercising is truly enjoyable. Are you one of the many who would like to exercise but can’t seem to get started or stay consistent? If you are pushing your self to do something that is counter to your desires oftentimes you will have those results. Again, to bring things into balance you need to know where you are in conflict with your desires and interests.

Eating healthy is another interesting dilemma for many. There are many ways to eat healthy. It can be an individual style. When do you find you are least apt to eat healthy: when you are in a rush, hurting, angry, etc.? Those influences must be honored before you can design a healthy eating lifestyle that brings balance into your life. Foods that you like and don’t like are important to acknowledge. Foods that your body does not tolerate need to be addressed as well. Do you tend to eat until you feel full? Do you not eat enough? Do you binge? When there are imbalances in what you “should” be eating and what you find yourself eating, you must stop and ask why?

What you eat and how you exercise influences your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. It is a vital part to balance in your life. Yet, by not seeing your internal balance with food and exercise, you could be adding an extra layer of imbalance in your already-stressed life!

Your challenge this week is to list the pros and cons of your current exercise program. If you don’t have one, then list what an ideal exercise program would be for you (be as creative as you’d like!). Now, pick 3 things you would like to change about your eating and/or 3 things you like about your eating. List your favorite must-have foods.

WEEK THREE

Welcome back to our 30-Day Challenge: Stress, Self and Better Health!

Let’s review last week’s challenge:Self Awareness. What was it like looking at your Self experiencing types of movies, books, or music? Were you able to pick a favorite? Were you able to identify your own experience? What did you learn about your Self as you described what moves you without using verbiage that connotes others or outside references? Did you get frustrated? Did you give up? It is very difficult to learn to focus only on your own internal experience of an event. Keep practicing and we will learn more in the workshop.

Stress, Self and Better Health: Meditation and Breathing

Breathing and meditating are the key ingredients to decreasing stress in your life. They heal and prevent stress. They are two of the most important tools for healing and managing anxiety as well.

This week I challenge you to just become conscious of your breath. RIGHT NOW, I want you to become aware of your breath going in and going out of your lungs. Do not change your rhythm or depth of breathing, just follow it in and out. Notice how it feels. Do you feel your chest rising and falling? Do you feel your diaphragm (or tummy) expanding and contracting? Practice becoming aware or conscious of your breathing everyday while sitting, driving, reading, etc!!

Now, while consciously breathing, I want you to close your eyes and begin repeating the phrase “Thank you for the peace within me.” Repeat it over and over at least 20 times. Allow your Self to recognize what it would feel like to experience a peace within your Self. Focus on the internal experience of peace until it begins to happen. I challenge you to do this while laying in bed or on a couch, while driving or riding, when taking an interim break from working on something. I challenge you to do this at least 3 times a day 20 repetitions each time.

Go forth! Step into your peaceful center and let the storm be outside you only! I thank you for participating!

WEEK TWO

Welcome back to our 30-Day Challenge: Stress, Self and Better Health!

Let’s review last week’s challenge: Expectations. How many of you put the rubber band on your wrist? Were you surprised by the number of times you had to go for the rubber band? Did you notice a change in the number of times you noted the words of expectation as you went through the week? I don’t want any of you to change your words. That is stress producing. If the words are used (in thought or verbiage), listen for them and hear them but do NOT change them. The words will change on their own as you begin to learn more about your Self and what you are about.

How many expectations did you put upon your Self versus another? Was it lopsided or balanced? This will teach you what you learned. If you are more apt to speak expectations to others but not to your Self, what might you be judging in others? Or, vice versa, if you are finding yourself speaking expectations to your Self but not as frequently to others, what are you feeling about you and your worth?

Did you find your Self very aware of others using expectations? If so, you may be on the way to understanding from whom you experience stress versus from whom there is more support.

This is a great beginning for you all! As you join me in the online course you will learn more about the expectations versus truth and support. Let’s turn our attention to this week’s challenge!!

Stress, Self and Better Health: Self Awareness

It is very important that you learn to listen to your Self. How many of you like to be heard by others? Well then, that answers the question as to why you simply listen to your Self rather than constantly correcting your Self.

In living a balanced life, everything centers (or rests) in YOU! This life is your’s and is about you. Life, therefore, is experienced inside YOU! Consequently, when talking about developing balance in your life you must know what that experience means to you. As we talk about stress, self and health the self is in the middle of the equation because it is the very piece that balances the stressors and it’s health. So this week’s challenge will address self awareness.

Many times, when asked about your Self you may quickly answer with what you do. That is not, however, who you are. This culture tends to enforce an external view of self and others. This tends to be a large part of your stress level and, consequently, your health. So let’s go within!

In general, you can better any aspect of your life by knowing what you wish to experience as a result of the relationship with that aspect. If it is your career, how do you want to experience the hours you spend in your career? If it is your partnership, how do you want to experience your partnership? And so on… Too often you may find yourself saying “I want my job to be …,” or “I wish my partner was/would…” Both of those thoughts are of the external portion of the relationship. You want to ask your Self what YOU want to experience. It may sound something like this: I want to experience a fulfillment that gives me internal calm with each person with whom I work; or, I would like to experience a beautiful hum from the rhythm in my relationship with my partner. It doesn’t matter that others understand your experience or not. It matters that it makes sense to YOU!

So this week we will do an exercise that helps you understand how to define the experiences you are wishing to have in your life. What is your favorite type of movie, book or music? Write that down. Now, ask your Self why you like that type. Does it move you, make you laugh, excite you, etc.? As you move through the week see if you can come up with other experiences that type of entertainment evokes in you. It may bring up memories, challenges, fears, dreams, emotions, identifying elements, or so much more! While doing that can you name your favorite movie, book, or artist? What makes it your favorite? Answer that question as if there is no one else on this earth but you. this is not an easy request. Give it your best and we will do much more with this in the workshop!

I am so thankful to you all for participating!

WEEK ONE

We welcome you to our 30-Day Challenge for less stress and better health! Over the next 4 Mondays, we will offer you some information and questions that can be your beginning to decreased stress levels and increased health! At the end of the 4th week, we will offer a brief online course that will tie the 4 weeks together and allow you to deepen the experience. Let’s begin:

Stress, Self and Better Health: Expectations

It has been known for all of time that stress leads to illness and injury. Today our media reports that stress is the leading influence for illness. There can be physical, chemical and emotional stressors. The physical stressors can be injuries, working out, sunburn, etc. Chemical stressors can be unhealthy food, medications, petrolatum products, pollution, etc. Finally, emotional stressors are anything that evokes the fear-based emotions (versus the love-based emotions). Consequently, if we have great nutrition, awareness of our body, and live in an absence of fear we will not experience the impact of stress!! Let’s get real. Most Americans cannot say that is their life. So, what can we do to begin decreasing the stress in our lives?

The physical and chemical stressors are the easiest to implement change. Once you identify where the stressors lie, you can, one by one, eliminate most of them. For example, you can hire a nutritionist (for healthier foods) or install a water treatment system (for water without chemicals) or work with a physician who has a holistic practice (to eliminate medications) etc. The emotional stressors are more difficult mostly because they are not tangible and are fear-based (and no one likes fear!). So, this series will address the emotional stressors more so than the others.

This week we are going to address expectations. Expectations are inherent in almost all emotional stress. Expectations are those thoughts or comments that are from someone or somewhere else and do not match your inner desires. They are an external frame of reference. Even if you think you are placing expectations on your self, you are truly using expectations that others had put upon you. Otherwise, you would have personal goals.

Let me give you an example. If I get home at the end of the day and I look at the dishes in the sink and I think, “Wow, I really should wash all those dishes,” then, I am thinking I need to wash the dishes because someone told me I should. Should is word that represents the expectation. If, however, I walk into the house and I see the dishes in the sink and I say to myself, “I’d really like to clean his dishes and make myself a dinner tonight,” or, maybe I say, “Ah, I’ll clean the dishes in the morning when I awaken. Either of the last two sentences is going to be closer to the way I feel inside. Maybe they both are. But as soon as I think I “should” do something or I “need” to do something, then I have switched from a personal goal or desire to an external expectation.

There is one glitch!! In the “workplace” and competitive sports there are going to be inherent expectations. That is because of the external structure and that it is that structure that dictates the outcome or bottom line. Once you become aware of expectations within yourself, you then will learn how to separate those that are inherent in the structure and those that are personally affecting you. It is at that point you will learn to balance the external structure with your internal personal being.

So, here’s the challenge for this week. I want you to become very aware of when and how often you say or think the following words or phrases:

You can do this by putting a rubber band on your wrist and popping it each time you hear yourself say or think any of those words or phrases. You can also keep a little notepad (or tape a piece of paper to the desk) and make a mark every time one of those words or phrases comes in language or thought.
Second, I would like you to be identify if the expectations are of you or another.

Third, I would like you to become very aware of those words or phrases in others around you. Who, around you, expresses expectations the most?

Go forth!! Enjoy your challenge!!