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November 20, 2017

Thanksgiving: Can You Be Thankful for the Good and the Bad?

This is a time of year to be grateful for the freedom that our country offers. This is an American holiday. We, as a people, have the opportunity to make infinite choices and have infinite experiences. It is our free will that opens us to all that this life has to offer. So, how might we expand our gratitude this Thanksgiving?

Each year we are given the opportunity to be thankful for our freedom in life and our freedom to choose. People generally express thanks for their loved ones, their home, their career, their ability to travel, their meals, etc. We tend to think of giving thanks for the “good” things in our life. It is a time to “avoid” the “bad” things. What if we weave the bad things into our gratitude?! Some of you will think I have lost my mind but I have not.

Everything that you experience in this life is with purpose: great purpose. If the experience stirs any of your fear-based emotions, e.g., hurt, loneliness, or abandonment/loss, you may have a tendency to ignore those experiences at this time of Thanksgiving. Some of those experiences are too painful to completely ignore and so they interrupt your holidays.

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November 16, 2017

Facebook Live Event: Kristen and Patricia discuss the upcoming gathering

November 15, 2017

The Loss of a Child: Siblings

Last week I spoke about the loss of a child but what if that child who crossed over had siblings? Parents grieve in one way and siblings grieve in another. At a time of deep grief, how do the siblings feel parenting from parents who are lost in their own grief?

Going through the loss of a child can be very difficult for parents and siblings. Yet it can be very difficult for them to “share” in the loss. The parents may be feeling one set of emotions while the siblings may be feeling differently. Parents may feel the helplessness of not being able to protect the lost child. They may feel an emptiness that is unique to mother or father. They may feel a devastation that erupts from letting the child free into life only to now endure their crossing over. They may feel the loss of the dreams they had tied to that child. The list goes on.

The siblings, on the other hand, may have feelings of having lost a best friend, or a part of their self. They may feel guilt for surviving or for not getting along with their sibling. They may feel a loss of their own dream because their family is shattered.

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November 9, 2017

The Loss of a Child

We all hear that the worst pain is the loss of a child and that it is a pain that will never go away. Then you lose a child. How do you even begin to cope, let alone heal, when you’ve been conditioned to believe it is something “you will never get over”? In this article, I will only look at a couple of thought patterns that can interrupt the healing and keep the suffering alive.

There is a helplessness that goes with the loss of a child because as a parent you were always the protector and the caregiver. That helplessness makes the grieving more difficult. The parent more often than not wants to turn inward and ask what they could’ve done to prevent, rescue or save the child. Those questions can keep the suffering alive. Whether the child has died in a car accident, from suicide, from an overdose, or from illness, the parents still have thoughts of what could have been done to prevent the death of a child. The internal questions that come about as a result of the helplessness, can cause thoughts that bring back the pain of the loss rather than the healing. In order to heal from the loss of a child the parents must be ready to accept a new beginning in the way they think about their child. They have to be willing to let go of the point of death and get back to the life the child gave them and the life they gave the child.

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November 1, 2017

Creditors Can Teach Us About Change!

In working with individuals who are in relationships, many of them want more out of their relationships. I find myself saying, “you must hold steady in the experience you wish to have to create change in the relationship.” Often times, the person doesn’t want to believe in the teachings. So let me give you a metaphor.

A creditor will demand that you pay what you owe. They do not care how much you’re going through, how much you’re trying, who you are, your integrity, or myriad of other things that might make you special. They know they want you to behave based upon the experience they wish to have: Pay the amount they tell you to pay by the date they tell you to pay it. You can get angry, you can rebel not pay, you can yell and scream at them because they should give you a break, or a variety of other behaviors, emotions, thoughts. No matter what it is you do, however, the creditor holds steady and tells you either you pay what is owed or exactly what the creditor said would happen will happen. Fees will be applied and more fees will be applied until one day you were sent to a collection agency at which time your phone will blow up with multiple phone calls and you will be demanded to pay until you either start to pay, don’t pay and ignore them, or claim bankruptcy.

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September 27, 2017

Why Do We Stare at Gore

Why do we stare at gore, destruction and death? Millions of people recently experienced death and grand destruction as a result of hurricanes. Why do people find themselves getting lost in the stories, pictures and fear of these disasters and others, e.g., car accidents and horror films?

 

It is an effort to master an old wound or perception. Let me explain.

 

A child spends his or her first 2 to 3 years not knowing that anything exists beyond what s/he can see. Therefore, all of the world is like magic! The child’s parent appears and disappears out of a room. If the child awakens in the crib and cries, the parent magically appears to lift the child from the crib. If, however, the parent does not quickly appear, the child feels abandoned and in his or her fear of abandonment, they instinctually know they will die. This fear of dying or not being able to survive I will call fear of destruction.

 

A child also sees the world from an egocentric perspective, i.e., s/he is the source or cause of all that is happening. So, when parents or providers falter and behave in an angry or frustrated way, a child must perceive his- or herself as the bad to keep the overseer as good. In other words, children see themselves as the sinners among saints. This way they are in a good safe world and as long as they control their behavior they will be ok. If, however, children see themselves as the saint among sinners, they are trapped in a haunted house with no one there to save them. They sense this. So defensively they turn the situation inside out to make themselves the bad so their world remains good. This is why movies of hauntings are so successful!

 

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September 26, 2017

Interview in Palm Beach Post

I’m proud to announce I was interviewed for an article in the Palm Beach Post, Suicide rates continue to rise, by Steve Dorfman. The article discusses how much attention suicide has received in the media, and why it is on the rise:

 

“… for the ‘smartphone generation’ of teens — in which online bullying, shaming and sexually exploitative harassing is ubiquitous — it’s more challenging than ever.”

For those vulnerable or genetically predisposed to depression, Bomas noted “the path to suicide is slippery — and social media bullying fuels that pain and isolation.”

 

To read the full article, CLICK HERE

 

Article Featured in Huffington Post

I had the honor of contributing to an article that was featuring in Huffington Post. The article What It’s Like To Support A Sibling With A Mental Illness by Stephanie Hallett asked several different experts their thoughts on how an person can best take care of their sibling as well as them self:

 

Part of the reason learning about your sibling’s illness is so helpful is that it allows you to let go of expectations around how your sibling “should” behave according to social standards. Kristen Bomas, a therapist, author and speaker based in South Florida, notes that holding onto expectations — and wanting your mentally ill sibling to comply — creates stress in your relationship and can exacerbate your sibling’s symptoms.

“Expectations are laden in external influences. External influences are laden with judgment,” she explains. “Therefore, the siblings cannot grow a compassionate relationship” when expectations are present.

 

To read the full article, CLICK HERE

 

En Español, haga clic aquí

 

August 24, 2017

Seeing Light within Light: The Illusion of the Eclipse

If you glanced at the eclipse with the naked eye, you saw the sliver of sun amidst the ball of light of the sun. You are light amidst light. On this plane, you experience dark as a way to define the light. We see things as separate: you and me, day and night, fear and love. In truth, there is no fear. Fear is illusion. The darkness always leads to the light. Light will always squelch dark. You learn fear but enter into this life as love.

 

The moon shines as light because it reflects the light of the sun. Yesterday, the moon blocked the light of the sun. It did not squelch the light, it blocked it. The dark cannot squelch the light. The sun shined bright beyond the illusion of darkness. To the naked eye, the ball of light continued to glow even though the day appeared a bit “darker”. Such an illusion.

 

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August 16, 2017

We Are Not Born Judging Each Other

cloudsHate is fear; fear is the absence of love! Within your Self, when you judge and hate you are not able to feel love. You may think that your hate and judgment are about the other person or group of people but it is only happening inside you. You are the one living with the hate, rage, anger, and heavy density. It clutters your mind and shadows your heart. Consequently, you are the only one who ends up suffering until, of course, your anger causes harm to others.

 

We are given this life and we were given free will. Free will says you have the right to live with your hate, anger, rage, and judgment. Free will also allows people to live in harmony, love, unity and peace. Free will gives each of us the opportunity to live this life as we choose. What it does not do is support the destruction of the free will and the rights of another human being.

 

You are not born with fear and anger or any of the fear-based emotions. You are not born with judgment since judgment comes from fear. You learned all of that, and the beliefs associated with them, in this lifetime. You thought you had to believe as you were taught to believe. But now you have a choice. Do you want to live with love for you, from you, and for others? Or do you want to live in absence of love? Do you want a life filled with pain, suffering, anger, and heat or a life filled with love and happiness?

 

Can you be grateful for who you are at the same time you’re hating another? The answer is no. So, yes, it is your right to hate, judge, and be angry. It is your choice to live at that level of suffering. Just remember suffering begets suffering and fear begets fear. It is love that begets gratitude, joy, and love. So, I ask you which do you prefer? And be clear, because even if you were feeling anger and hate at those who are angry and hateful you are feeding the darkness not light.

 

May each and every one of you be graced with gratitude, forgiveness, and love.

 
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Please contact KB@KristenBomas.com if you have any questions about services, topics or products.

Kristen Bomas, PA
398 Camino Gardens Blvd., Suite 104
Boca Raton, Florida 33432
Phone: (561) 212-7575
Fax: (954) 725-7244
Email: KB@KristenBomas.com

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"Two Eagles" Smith

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