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March 16, 2015

Judging Success

Why do others judge success?

Why do people struggle with other people’s success?

 

So often we watch people get angry or rejecting, in some way, when someone they know, or even don’t know, achieves success. The second thing we observe is the comfort with destroying those who are successful and in the public eye. Why does this exist? Why can’t we all be so excited for someone else’s achievements and successes?

 

Inherently we all wish for happiness. Unfortunately, many have been lead to believe that happiness is achieved when someone achieves success financially or publicly. Because this definition of happiness is external in its rewards it does not work. Happiness must come from within. Once a person is happy within themselves, they are happy for all of those around them.

 

So when someone else achieves the success or perceived happiness for which another is wishing, that other may feel jealous or less than or not good enough or undeserving or unfairly gifted, etc. Another possibility is that this other person may be housing a doubt that they are able to have the success or lifestyle or fame that they perceive in the other. Whatever that person is feeling, it is a fear-based experience. Once someone is feeling out of balance from an inside “fear”, their imbalance is expressed externally. Usually in an effort to find balance, comfort, or support that they are okay. Once they feel okay or comforted they feel back in balance.

 

As I have said often, we judge only in the way we are fearful of being judged. So, in this question that we are exploring today we see that people may go against, judge, breakdown, destroy, or make a successful person feel crummy or bad. More than likely this is because inside themselves they’re fearful of the judgment that they are not good enough and that they are destroyed in their concept of finding happiness or success. Their internal doubts and fears will also consist of the judgments they are slinging at the successful or famous people. That may or may not be a direct reflection. For example a person who has bought into the belief that in order to be loved we must have a perfect Barbie or Ken figure may judge harshly someone who is heavy or large. They themselves may be fit and have a low level of body fat. Their judgments of someone heavy are coming from their fear of not having a lean body and being judged as not good enough. So their doubt and their belief in society’s judgments keep them working hard to stay lean for fear of what it would mean if they were not. It is that very view that drives their judgments of others in this particular example.

 

In addition to the individual experiences that are being subconsciously acted out, our culture and media are based upon this type of fear-based reporting. We have papers, TV shows, books and more that make billions of dollars by reporting to the public ugly, derogatory, shaming, destructive information or assumptions about our wealthy, famous, successful, and entertainment people. I don’t understand when we decided it was okay to dig into the histories of the people in the spotlight and attempt to destroy them, but we do. And people love to hear about the crap. We are no longer a people who are willing to spend billions on the happy and good news. Why we do this will be a follow up blog. For today’s purpose, this national level of acceptance to destroy another human being who is successful allows the people to feel righteous when they use social media platforms and other public platforms to bully or destroy another human being whether successful or not.

 

In conclusion, and in general, the people who choose to judge, criticize, bully, or destroy another human being, publicly or not, are usually coming from a place of fear of being judged themselves. They are not happy and fulfilled within their own life and are lashing out from that point of reference. It seems to be a very common and popular bandwagon to jump on because our media and nation seem to support this kind of destructive judging of one another. Fear is newsworthy. Judgment is fear. Fear is the absence of love. Happiness is love.

 

May each and every one of you be the start to spreading a happy thought whenever you hear a harsh angry judgment of another human being. We are all human beings. We all have challenges. We all are capable of compassion. I wish you all a day filled with compassion and acceptance. May it start with you.

 

2 Comments »

  1. We are a culture raised on “other.” Anything that is not us is suspect. So when someone who is “other” succeeds, we judge why they have succeeded with the eyes of the other. This is another facet to what you spoke about, Kristen. It’s still based on a feeling of not being enough, and I think it is growing. Recent writing about this generation who was raised to feel so special that narcissism is their way of life confirms that when others succeed it is a criticism of self. As in: “Well, I’m special, better, deserving. Whey did THEY get that reward and I didn’t?” What a world we have created. Thanks for helping to straighten it out:)

    Comment by Therese Tappouni — March 17, 2015 @ 10:14 am

  2. Personally, I used to judge and tear down partially because that is what I learned from both parents and extended family growing up. As an adult I’m not sure I realized how negative it was and how much negativity it brought to my life as I was surrounded by people that did the same thing. I had to learn to act/behave differently. Once I stopped surrounding myself with negative people and started surrounding myself with positive people I learned to be happy being me and I am infinitely happier than I’ve ever been and take pleasure in lifting others up and giving praise. Now I struggle with helping my offspring learn to behave differently… after I taught him the bad behavior to begin with. It’s a vicious circle! Let’s stop the insanity!!

    Comment by Danielle — March 18, 2015 @ 3:13 pm

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