Have A Question
Ask Kristen, please email with your questions.

Are You Happy Being Miserable?

Why are you attached to seeing what isn’t good enough? Or, maybe you find your Self feeling like everyone is against you in some way, e.g., cannot be trusted, take from you, rip you off, talk behind your back? These are signs of living in a state of misery or fear.


If you are familiar with my writings you know that all emotions can be categorized as either love-based or fear-based. So, let’s simplify the addiction-to-misery philosophy. If misery/depression is a fear-based experience then it is going to need to create a fear-based environment to thrive. Make sense? Consequently, it is not just the feeling but the context within which it thrives.


So, if you know someone or are someone who is constantly sad, worried, or depressed, how might it serve them or you to be in that fear-based state of existence? Don’t say it doesn’t!! Don’t judge the answer!! Just listen to your inner voice as it starts to answer the question: How does it serve me to stay focused on the negative? The question feels like: what am I hoping to see happen as a result of this pattern or behavior or what is the wish behind the pattern or behavior?


Oftentimes, people find that they are feeling lonely and as if no one cares. They may then find that it serves them to be in misery because people try to help them or pull them out — or more! They get to the point where they feel “comfortable” in their discomfort and don’t know why. That is precisely why we ask our Self at that time, “How does it serve me?”.


We live in a fear-driven society. So, initially, people attend to the misery, pain, suffering of others. Life, however, is not experienced in the suffering but in the joy and happiness of living. Consequently, after time, people begin to pull away or create limited relationships with those who stay in their misery or pain. It is at this point of others pulling away that the pained person feels the futility of hoping for happiness and feels as if they have a right to be depressed or negative.


There is yet another level of kick from this pattern. If you or the person you know is in a state of believing others are “always” against you in some way, then you have probably developed a defensive stance that is not trusting. If someone is in a world of not trusting, how do they know trust? They don’t. Consequently, they find themselves picking the contractor, employee, or life-partner who is limited in their ability to be trusted. The outcome is again feeling the futility that there is anyone out there worth trusting.


To heal, you must be ready to feel happy. Then it is a matter of becoming aware of how pervasive the pattern is in your life. Once you have a solid awareness, you find your answers to how it serves you. Then you work on the needs that come out of that answer. Your Soulful Self or True Self is nothing but love. There is nothing to fear about love. Going toward the truth of who you are begins opening the doors to love and fulfillment. It is an expansive experience that never stops expanding. The fear that consumes you when you are living in pain, limits you and makes you feel small, insignificant. Which would you rather experience? Take the plunge. Dive into your Self and learn the experiences you truly wish to have in this life and go for it!!



  1. Love it!

    Comment by Holly —

  2. Amazing Kristen!!! You always hit the nail right on the head!!!
    🙂 Rachel

    Comment by Rachel —

  3. Love this one. 😀 Very clear and well stated.

    Comment by Holly —

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Kristen Bomas, PA
398 Camino Gardens Blvd., Suite 104
Boca Raton, Fl 33432


Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube LinkedIn