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November 1, 2017

Creditors Can Teach Us About Change!

In working with individuals who are in relationships, many of them want more out of their relationships. I find myself saying, “you must hold steady in the experience you wish to have to create change in the relationship.” Often times, the person doesn’t want to believe in the teachings. So let me give you a metaphor.

A creditor will demand that you pay what you owe. They do not care how much you’re going through, how much you’re trying, who you are, your integrity, or myriad of other things that might make you special. They know they want you to behave based upon the experience they wish to have: Pay the amount they tell you to pay by the date they tell you to pay it. You can get angry, you can rebel not pay, you can yell and scream at them because they should give you a break, or a variety of other behaviors, emotions, thoughts. No matter what it is you do, however, the creditor holds steady and tells you either you pay what is owed or exactly what the creditor said would happen will happen. Fees will be applied and more fees will be applied until one day you were sent to a collection agency at which time your phone will blow up with multiple phone calls and you will be demanded to pay until you either start to pay, don’t pay and ignore them, or claim bankruptcy.

Years later, when all is well and you’re able to pay all your bills you look back on that time and you realize you learn something from that off time. You learned how to budget. You learned what credit really is for. You learned the experience you wish to have with creditors in your life. And so the tables turn. And on the day you decide to have the relationship with them you wish to. You pay your bills in full each month and only carry a balance for short periods of time. You now know you want to be in charge of the experience you wish to have financially.

So, in your relationships with people it is no different. Imagine you were the creditor and they are the borrower. You must stay steady in the experience you wish to have. Do you want peace in your relationship? Do you want exploration? Do you want adventure, love, friendship? What do all of these things mean to you? Once you know what peace, exploration, adventure, and friendship mean to you then you will start to define the experiences you wish to have. At that time, if you’re ready to create those experiences, you must be ready to hold steady in what you wish to experience. Once you hold steady the other person must change. It is a simple truth in life.

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