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What Keeps Relationships Together?

Love doesn’t keep a relationship together. Communication and moving beyond your defenses does.


Often, people fall in love and wonder why it doesn’t hold. We aren’t “taught” to develop relationships. So magical thinking tends to take over. Love is always, right? No. There is fear and fear is the absence of love. For example, fear of not being good enough leads to jealousy, insecurity, mistrust, rejection, shame. Fear is in all people. Therefore, it must be in our love relationships.


If you learn to communicate from your Self and NOT about the other, you will begin to break the cycle of assumption and misperceptions that are anchored in and fueled by fear. Learning to communicate in this style is in opposition to how you were probably taught. It may not be easy but it is rewarding. In this way of communicating you will open your Self and the relationship to the infinity of life. Therefore, love grows and thrives. It does not stagnate and die.


Fear fragments and takes you away from love. It is fear, if not healed, that shatters the love. All fear marks, and is marked by, the challenges in your life. Everyone has challenges. It is by definition in this life. So the challenges and fears of life must be a part of your love relationships.


To learn to embrace the challenges (fear) is to open your Self to the healing of Self and relationship. As you open your Self to your truth, you are teaching your partner who you are and what you believe, perceive, and desire. You are speaking of your fears and challenges in an effort to allow the team or partnership to heal you and, therefore, with you.


As we learn to open ourselves to being seen and understood at this level we are learning compassion of self and, therefore, compassion of other. It is with the willingness to communicate your truth and to open your Self beyond defensiveness (or fear of threat) that you begin to live compassionately for self and other. This is where love resides. It is here that you will find everlasting love and companionship in your life partnership.


I wish you all great, endless love in this life – for Self and Other!!


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Kristen Bomas, PA
398 Camino Gardens Blvd., Suite 104
Boca Raton, Fl 33432


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