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Kristen Bomas

December 1, 2015

Commercialism is NOT the “Reason for the Season”.

GiftMoney

This week marks the first week of Holiday Shopping! It opened with Black Friday and Cyber Monday. People have come to plan for these days and companies have come to exploit or extend these days. There is a craze or frenzy that surrounds these days of shopping. Yet, we hear people talk about the behavior of the people who go into these sale days with great intensity and, at times, aggression to find the items they wish to purchase at the great prices advertised!! It seems that most people agree that this “beginning of the season” does not match the “meaning of the season”.

 

So, why do you succumb to the seduction of the commercializing of the season?
You may find yourself “buying” into the need to purchase gifts (and many of them) because of a need to be seen as good enough, because it is expected by the other or by society, or because of the fear of judgment or disappointment if you do not. If you begin to understand your reactionary buying in response to the seductive advertisements and promises then you will begin to open and, consequently, see more intimate and creative gifts of love and acceptance. Our intrinsic focus allows for an intimate gift rather than an extrinsic focus that allows for a number of gifts.

 

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June 25, 2015

Aggression Abounds

Is our world more aggressive?

 

Have you noticed how much aggression there is in our everyday experience? Turn on the TV for 10 minutes and you are bombarded. Watch video games and it’s everywhere. Social media is plagued with bullying. Trending topics most days includes at least one story of aggression. Most comments on any controversial topic are angry aggressive comments/opinions/ judgments. Road rage can be seen regularly. Crime is on the rise. Where will it stop? Why has it increased?

 

Obviously the two last questions are rhetoric. But what if each of us begins to ask ourselves those questions? Is it possible that it opens us to possibly creating an answer? YES!

 

There is clearly a shift taking place on this earth. There is fragmentation of cultures occurring around the world. Here in America there is fragmentation of our relationships, beliefs, sexes, political parties, and more. Unity is peace. Fragmentation is opposition. In which environment would you like to experience life?

 

Most of us would like to experience life in peace and fulfillment. Most would like to feel the acceptance by others and their surroundings. So if each of us asks those 2 little above-posed questions, eventually the answers will be unveiled. We will be looking for and asking for the cessation of the aggression rather than the being engaged by the seduction of it.

 

Let me mention 2 thoughts about behavior. First, anytime we wish to change behavior or extinguish behavior, we have to endure the increase in the old behavior before the cessation or change in behavior occurs. Second, a fearful people are a following people and a loving accepting people are a thinking people. Freedom is exists within each of us and is accessed by our ability to think and express our Selves truthfully and genuinely without hesitation.

 

That being said, I wonder if this earth is tired of the aggression and is making a change toward peace. If so, could we be experiencing the increase in aggression and fragmentation occurring as a precursor to the squelching of aggression and fragmentation? Could we be on our way to a planet of peace? Concurrent, I wonder if the people are craving freedom from having their thoughts and beliefs controlled and are ready to express their unique Selves but are doing so through the very path of aggression that has held them in place? It is an example of the impossibility of “War for Peace” motto. Just a few larger thoughts offered only as a beginning!

 

May you each experience a week of peace and true freedom! I hope you include one hour each day where you stay in a place of gratitude and acceptance and in absence of any aggressive or angry thoughts or impressions.

 

June 18, 2015

What is the Definition of a Father?

Father’s Day

We all have fathers. Some of us know our fathers and some of us do not and/or cannot. The role of a father in our life is defined by each of us. Consequently, it has a lot of variety in those definitions, especially if you have 2 mothers. Take a minute and ask your Self what an ideal father is to you. Let it be your definition. Given that definition, what is Father’s Day to you?

 

Many people have lost their father. They may have lost their father to divorce, drugs or alcohol addiction, military service training or deployment, death, or transgender transformation. It is all loss. For those of you who have lost your father, if this is your first Father’s day since the loss, what are you doing to honor your emotions at this time? Too often, people do not know how to say goodbye. So times like this can be difficult. How have you said your goodbyes? Even if your father is active duty military and has been deployed to another country, you may experience a loss on this Father’s Day. Often, goodbyes are necessary so that you can say hello to the new beginning!

 

Are you a father? If so, what part of your ideal father image is you? Are you wishing for differences in the way you are a father? On this day of honoring your role in the lives of your children, do you honor your Self? Take the time, to recognize your Self in your fatherhood. Where are you in the lives of your children? No matter where you are, physically, you are always with your children IF you can be present to them emotionally/spiritually. Find your own definition of father and offer your Self the opportunity to enjoy this honor of being Father in this life. It is your gift to your Self on this day.

 

Palm Beach Post

 

The country is looking at Caitlyn Jenner’s children and their loss or reactions on this Father’s Day without Bruce. It is a new beginning for them with Caitlyn. It is a new beginning for Caitlyn as well! It is a time for each of them to reflect on what life was about as father and children and how they are feeling today. It is a time to understand that the person who was their father is still in their lives today. Gender is not about the body. It is about the internal intimate essence. That essence has always been there. It is about them learning to accept the presence of the spirit and not get caught with the attachment to the physical encasement of that presence. Easier said than done…

 

To all of you, fathers and children and both, may this Father’s Day be that day you honor the presence of the father in your life, in physical or energetic, and the impact of that presence. Celebrate, embrace and love that person who has given you the love of a father or just life. What a great gift you have in this life, whether you know him or not.

 

I was honored to contribute again to the Palm Beach Post regarding Caitlyn Jenner. You can read the full article by CLICKING HERE.

June 1, 2015

The Digital Era: A Response

Teach your children well.

The following are my thoughts as inspired by Dr. Alcalay’s submission to this blog. As you read through his article you see that we are teaching our children to look outward to non-person-based objects. He further states that this overall set of behaviors is affecting our adolescents’ identity and self development as well as their emotional health. I would like to remark on that.

 

As parents continue to choose to allow their children to focus on external non-person objects, they are inadvertently agreeing to ignore that very child. In general, by allowing children to have an external focus, parents are not helping with the development of the child’s own truth or definition of self. There are a further number of challenges that develop as a result of an absence of focus on the child. Without an understanding of Self, the child may grow not knowing what they prefer, what they like, what they wish to experience, or what they dream.

 

Without interaction with others, the child may not develop a sense of who they are separate from others. They probably will not develop a sense of social comfort or social skill. Consequently, the child may feel a sense of being not good enough because they don’t have a way to develop a good feeling about their self. At the beginning, we learn who we are by seeing our dreams in others and then transferring that into our Self. For instance a child under 3 has a blanket or stuffed animal to which they are attached. This object is so they can internalize the primary parent: that person who gives them safety, acceptance, and understanding. Without a sense of self that is positive or theirs, the child can become frustrated and fearful leading to anger and aggression as a secondary reaction to the prior emotions.

 

If our children begin to feel frustrated and angry and they do not have parents with whom they are interacting on a teaching caring level, they become more internally judgmental. Consequently, they then may become more angry and lonely and frustrated. At this point, they may learn to believe that bullying is okay and that aggression is okay. If the television, games, and more are desensitizing them to aggression, bullying and more, this can be a lethal combination. Consequently, they may grow to think their aggression is an acceptable form of expression for their fear-based emotions. Worse, they may not even have a language to express their fear-based emotions.

 

In the absence of knowing who they are and knowing their emotions, it most probably can lead to an intense sense of shame: the feeling that they are not what others think they are; that they are not good enough; that they are different than others and therefore not acceptable; and so much more.  It is at this point that you may be able to see how easily all of the external focus can lead to an increase in anxiety and obesity. 

 

There’s a further thought, if in fact our children of today are not learning who they are as a person, they are not defining their integrity, remorse, or responsibility in the way that we, the generation of their parents, learned. This can lead to an intense sense of entitlement. I think most of us are aware of the problem we are having in this country with entitlement. Furthermore, without remorse or responsibility being strong in the development of sense of self, our growing children become detached and further desensitized to their own expression of aggression and anger.

 

Without socializing with others and learning who they are, our children will probably have a much greater propensity to take things personally. Add to that the fear they are not good enough and then they would be even more apt to take things personally.

 

At this point I think all of us can start to see how the children growing up today run a high risk of not only not knowing who they are but not being able to define themselves through or with or separate from others. Consequently, they may flounder. We are also seeing a rise in suicide, substance abuse and sleeplessness coupled with ADHD and anxiety. That is for another response. Meantime, do we need to wonder why? At what point do we step in and create a stop? At what point do parents begin to say “my only job is to develop in my child the ability to have happiness in this life”? At what point do parents begin to understand that their only job is to create safe boundaries within which a child can explore and grow. When we allow the media, games, and entertainment to raise our children there are no boundaries and there is no safety.

 

While there is no handbook on how to raise a child? People like Dr Alcalay and I are here and willing to answer any and all questions you may have. We invite all of you to write back or call with your feedback, questions, and concerns. Feel free to tweet @kristenbomas or respond on the website of Facebook. We welcome an interactive platform so that we may serve you and your needs.

 

May 25, 2015

A Gift to Our Veterans on This Memorial Day

Freedom for one and all

 

On this day we honor our fallen warriors. It is not a happy day. It is a day of honor. It is a day of reflection. It is a day of pain. It is a day of gratitude. It is a day of loss and a day of gain. Even for those warriors who returned home, it was with great loss in their lives. Life will never be the same for them.

 

We live with a great freedom because of their gifts that cost them their freedom. Most of our warriors will never feel the freedom in their hearts. Of the families, friends and loved ones of those warriors who passed, most will lose the freedom in their hearts as well. We must not forget this.

 

On this Memorial Day, during your prayer or your quiet reflections, let each of us send a healing energy from our heart to each of theirs. Feel it. Send it. Know that as each of us opens our heart to its freedom and to its love that we are uniting with those who have served us. Let us begin the healing of the wounds.

 

On this Memorial Day, recognize the freedom that allows you to believe whatever you believe, worship whatever God you choose to worship or not, marry whoever you wish to marry (almost there!!), speak whatever you wish to speak, be all that you can be and infinitely more! Then say “Thank you” to those who have been willing to fight for our freedom and to maintain a powerful presence on this earth as a free and protective people of all!

 

IF YOU TRULY WISH TO SAY THANK YOU TO OUR WARRIORS, VOTE!!!!! It is with our votes that we keep freedom alive. Just vote! Vote for YOUR choice of candidate at the local, state, and federal levels. All votes are the right vote. There is no wrong vote. Your choice of party or no party affiliation is a great choice! You have freedom to choose! Have a voice in freedom. Honor the lives that have gifted you this freedom by voting! Keep their memory alive with your vote! Don’t just sit and wait for the warriors to fight for your freedom! VOTE AND SHOW OUR VETERANS THAT THEIR EFFORTS ARE SUPPORTED BY YOURS!

 

May each of you have a blessed Memorial Day that begins the healing and influences greater freedom!!

 

April 23, 2015

An Experience with the Transgender Person

The Palm Beach Post

I had the honor of being interviewed by The Palm Beach Post this week for an article regarding Bruce Jenner and transgender issues.

 

Many people in this country are on standby waiting for Bruce Jenner to announce to Diane Sawyer “something”! We truly don’t know what! The assumptions running rampant are all saying he’s going to announce his transformation from a male body to a female body. The transformation would identify him as a transgender person or as a person having Gender Dysphoria. My greatest concern (after the fact that our media is anchored in assumption rather than fact) is the amount of judgment that will come from those who do not understand what transgender means and is.

 

We all dream of being unconditionally accepted. In order to be accepted we must be understood. So let me try to help everyone understand a bit about the person who is transgender and then maybe we can have more acceptance through our understanding and compassion.

 

Right now take a minute to feel that place inside you where you know you are a man or a woman. Feel this knowing inside you that has nothing to do with your reflection in the mirror. It is indescribable. It is simply a place deep inside where you just know you are a man or a woman, a girl or a boy.

 

Now, when you look at your physical body in a mirror there is a match. If you know you are a woman and you look in a mirror and you see a woman’s body, you feel a comfortable match. I’m not talking about your judgment about the way the body looks! I’m saying your knowingness of being female or male matches, and is confirmed by, the body!

 

Okay let’s take the next step! Now imagine you leave the mirror and go to your closet and pull out your clothes. If you are a man in a man’s body, you pull out men’s clothing and you have further comfort in the clothing as it rests on your body and further defines you as a man. Now, you go back to the mirror and feel ready to present your Self to others.

 

You now leave the house to go to your destination. As you enter, you say hello to the first person who you recognize and you hear your voice. And your voice is that of a man or a woman and it matches your clothing, which matches your body, which matches the knowing inside you that says you are a man or a woman, respectively.

 

I hope you’re starting to feel the depth of your gender and how it matches your body and your lifestyle. What happens for the transgender isn’t anything like what you just walked yourself through. The man feels like a woman on the inside knowing that she’s a woman on the inside but has the body of a man. The reflection in the mirror each and every time is a reflection of a man and that contradicts the knowingness of being a woman. The clothes on this body feel foreign and announce the foreign nature of the body within which this knowing of being a woman resides. Her voice, when she speaks, is that of a man and again confirms that she is not who she feels she is. She reaches for a glass and her hand is not the hand that matches the way she feels inside. There is no comfort or consistency in her experience of life.

 

How does the person who is transgender learn to accept their own self? How do they learn to be accepted by others when others will never know the truth of who they are on the inside. We don’t feel accepted because of how we look, or what we do, or by what others see. We feel accepted by others when they know who we are in truth, with all of our challenges and all of our strengths, all of our beauty and all of our differences.

 

So the transgender person lives without acceptance because no one knows, understands, or can accept them because who they are is kept hidden in a foreign body. How can there be acceptance when others don’t know that the transgender person is a different gender on the inside than what the body is displaying on the outside?

 

A transgender person is not a transvestite or cross dresser or enjoying a fetish. The latter three are choices people make for enjoyment, variation, and/or performance. The transgender person wears, and feels connected to, the clothes when they match the sex they know they are. This is not the same as being a drag queen or feeling sexually aroused by opposite sexed clothes.

 

A transgender person may feel at least disconnected from, if not repulsed by, their body and genitalia because of the mismatch. They prefer activities that are traditionally of the sex they know they are. Until the time the transgender person chooses to live in a body that matches who they are, they tend to feel very trapped, unknown, unseen, not to mention lonely and more.

 

So, let’s all do our best to help at least one person understand the person who suffers with Gender Dysphoria! Let’s help them find true acceptance in this life! Let’s remember that this is not a choice. Feel the compassion of the suffering of a fellow human being and help them feel the support of compassion and acceptance. Do not be afraid to ask questions to genuinely learn from the transgender person who you meet or know! There is no better way to show your acceptance and to gain comfort. And remember,

“We only judge in the way we are fearful of being judged.”
K. Bomas

 

To read the Palm Beach Post story, click here.

April 21, 2015

2 Ways to Accept the Unexpected

The Unexpected

How do I accept the unexpected?

 

First, let’s define unexpected. We learn expectations. Expectations come from that which is external to the truth of who we are. We are taught to be, think, and believe as others, society, and religion expect us. We then learn to read and meet those expectations as we are growing up in this life. We do that in order to be accepted by those others. It is from that learning that we learn to set expectations of others, life, and sequences of events. People learn to feel “in control” by the predictability of expectations. So when all of a sudden things are unexpected (not happening in a predictable, anticipated way) we can find ourselves at a loss.

 

All the learned expectations are the foundation of a lot of our challenges in this life. Expectations are not who we are! Consequently, as we begin to unravel the challenges in our life we begin to move beyond expectations.

 

So here are the things YOU can do !

 

The simple answer to the original question is “You accept the unexpected by embracing the challenges in life and learning to live in the present.” Let me explain, everyone has challenges in this life. Those challenges are what allow you to feel any of the fear-based emotions. Conversely, anytime someone feels a fear-based emotion they are experiencing a challenge in some way. As you begin to embrace the challenges, understand those challenges, and heal those challenges, you become free of them. In life, you can get to a place where you are excited about the presentation of another challenge because you know that with its healing comes greater freedom, love and acceptance in this life!

 

So if you learn to embrace the challenges in this life, you will also learn to move beyond your fear of death and/or aggression. As you begin to move beyond that fear, you become more of an observer in this life. As an observer, you are more in the present. The more present you are in this life, the less expectations and anticipations will play a part. When in the present, there is no past and there is no future, there is only now and in the now you have no expectations. Therefore, there cannot be the unexpected.

 

It is at this point that you are accepting everything as the unexpected. You learn to read the unexpected as life speaking to you. You embrace the unexpected as those opportunities to grow and to see where you are limiting yourself. You allow the unexpected to be the gifts that are constantly taking you into greater freedom. Simply, you have grown into a space of accepting and embracing the unexpected because the unexpected is your way of life.

 

You cannot learn to accept the unexpected by doing. It is the outpouring of being present.
I hope each of you enjoys the uncertainty and constant change that life had to offer you. The gifts are endless for each of you and they are found in the unexpected!

 

April 15, 2015

Be Present

Learn to be present

Where’s the Past in the Present?

 

What is the purpose of having the past if we’re told that we need to live in the present? And, what is the present if we know of the past? Are we supposed to just pretend that the past is gone? People say, “Forget it”, “Put it behind you”, “Move past it”. But does that mean we’re supposed to ignore the past in order to live in the present?

 

When we talk about living in the present we aren’t talking about something we do. It is an experience and an expression of that experience. This life is experienced as past, present, and future with great purpose. The past consists of that which you need to heal. So, if you are having challenges in the present they come from the past. Therefore, you are not living in the present at those times of challenge. When you project into the future, you are taking from the past to define the future. Consequently, you are skipping over the present.

 

As you go through the day there will be challenges, expectations, and assumptions: those are signs that the past is still active. If you find yourself judging (in any way), that is a sign that the past is still active. If you find yourself feeling hurt, angry, lonely, fearful of loss, guilty, etc., then the past is in the present.

 

In the course of the day, you may find yourself worrying about the future. You may find yourself wondering if you have done enough for your children. You may find yourself wondering if you will grow old alone. You may find yourself wondering if your health will fail. You may find yourself thinking about the future only in ways that you know because of the past. The future, however, has yet to be told. Your fear of the unknown coerces you into projecting your past into the future. If you did not have a fear of the unknown you would not wonder, worry, or fear the future.

 

When you are living in the present you don’t have to forget the past nor do you have to pretend there is no future. When you are living in the present, you in a style of life mastery or enlightenment where you have mastering the past challenges, transcending those challenges, or moving into a state of enlightenment in some other way. You are present. You are aware of your breath. You are aware of everything taking place now without an attachment to its meaning or the meaning it has to you as a result of your past. You aren’t worried about the future. And yet, you live today knowing that if you are aware of all of life around you and are honoring all of life around you, that you are making a better place for your children’s children’s children. You are not living in the present with an absence of honoring. Quite the contrary, it is the very honoring of every plant, every animal, every incident, of Mother Earth and of Spirit/God, and of all that is, that is integral to your awareness of being present in life and with life. And most importantly, living in the present is in the honoring of your own Self — that part of you that, in its purity, is aching for you to move beyond your fears to find truth and freedom. It is on the journey toward truth that you find yourself living present and in the present. It is the outcome of the healing.

 

To think that you are to ignore the past, ignore the pain, and ignore what was, is to live chained to the past. Because in order to avoid that past, you must keep the past alive in the back of your mind somewhere so you are sure to avoid it! And as long as you are doing that you cannot be present.

 

Do not try to push down, forget, or move beyond something by severing or ignoring. It only creates greater illusion by keeping you anchored to what was and not allowing you the freedom to feel what is. The challenges of this life (that which makes up the past) are not here to destroy you. They are in this life for you to move through them, transcend them, master them. It is the mastery of the challenges that allows you to unveil the truth of who you are. That truth, by design, lives in the present. In conclusion, the more you live in your truth and know the truth of who and what you are, the more you are living in the present and the more present your true self is. Further, when living in the present, the unconditional love and acceptance of self is experienced and is, then, also offered to all.

 

May each and every one of you have a day filled with an acceptance of your challenges, knowing of your Self, and awareness of each breath you take. May you be present in your life.

April 8, 2015

What Keeps Relationships Together?

Love doesn’t keep a relationship together. Communication and moving beyond your defenses does.

 

Often, people fall in love and wonder why it doesn’t hold. We aren’t “taught” to develop relationships. So magical thinking tends to take over. Love is always, right? No. There is fear and fear is the absence of love. For example, fear of not being good enough leads to jealousy, insecurity, mistrust, rejection, shame. Fear is in all people. Therefore, it must be in our love relationships.

 

If you learn to communicate from your Self and NOT about the other, you will begin to break the cycle of assumption and misperceptions that are anchored in and fueled by fear. Learning to communicate in this style is in opposition to how you were probably taught. It may not be easy but it is rewarding. In this way of communicating you will open your Self and the relationship to the infinity of life. Therefore, love grows and thrives. It does not stagnate and die.

 

Fear fragments and takes you away from love. It is fear, if not healed, that shatters the love. All fear marks, and is marked by, the challenges in your life. Everyone has challenges. It is by definition in this life. So the challenges and fears of life must be a part of your love relationships.

 

To learn to embrace the challenges (fear) is to open your Self to the healing of Self and relationship. As you open your Self to your truth, you are teaching your partner who you are and what you believe, perceive, and desire. You are speaking of your fears and challenges in an effort to allow the team or partnership to heal you and, therefore, with you.

 

As we learn to open ourselves to being seen and understood at this level we are learning compassion of self and, therefore, compassion of other. It is with the willingness to communicate your truth and to open your Self beyond defensiveness (or fear of threat) that you begin to live compassionately for self and other. This is where love resides. It is here that you will find everlasting love and companionship in your life partnership.

 

I wish you all great, endless love in this life – for Self and Other!!

 

March 30, 2015

Why Is This in My Life?

Nothing in life is wrong. It’s all just another challenge opening you to the infinite adventure.

 

Feel that. What would the experience of life be if you could accept that there is no wrong? What if everything was occurring with a meaning to take you back home to unity and harmony? What if no matter what your decision, it would be right for that time in your life and would open you to yet another great set of experiences?

 

Too often people stop, hesitate, stay stuck because they are afraid of making the wrong decision or doing something wrong or not being successful. All of these fears come from the belief that there is wrong and not good enough.

 

What if you moved beyond the duality of right and wrong and asked your Self “Why is this in my life?” What if you pondered the point in your path with curiosity rather than judgment and fear? Many would soon see the multitude of gifts that life offers. You must be willing to see beyond the duality of right and wrong to receive the greatest of life’s gifts. You are here to feel the definition of you separate from the whole or one. What separates you is fear. This existence is expressed through the duality so that you can choose to “find” your Self beyond that which you are not, fear. So, everything you experience is with great purpose! Nothing is wrong. It is all just experience in the soul’s journey of definition and unity.

 
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Please contact KB@KristenBomas.com if you have any questions about services, topics or products.

Kristen Bomas, PA
398 Camino Gardens Blvd., Suite 104
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Email: KB@KristenBomas.com

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